The year of big decisions

I've always been too scared to follow my dreams. Too scared to take a leap of faith. Too scared to just go for it. But this year things have changed. I'm not sure how it happened, but it seems that I'm in a different state of mind. I'm willing to just go for it. I'm more than happy to make huge life changing decisions. It is strange and it feels good yet scary. So scary.

Quitting a full time job was a big decision. A decision everyone around me seems to think they wouldn't be able to make. I have no safety net, no plan b. Nothing. Yet, I did it. Now to decide what to do with my life. How to go about getting another job. How to market myself. I've never been unemployed since I started working. I've never quit a job without having another one on the go.

At the end of the year I will be going to London to visit my lovely sister and cousins. It is very exciting. But it also means I can't start a course where I won't have a break for Christmas. So this is where things get confusing. Going to London is not an option. It's gonna happen. I don't want to spend christmas here alone when my whole family is out there. Ain't gonna happen. But is it worth sacrificing a career opportunity for that? I think it might be. I mean, I could just do the course next year, right? But what would I do with myself for now?

Life decisions: how I hate them.

Not much longer. I hope. Just breathe.

On a much better note, things are going well. I am about to sign up for a photography course. A hands on course, where I will learn more about my camera, how to use it, how to take better pictures, how to market myself, how to run a business and how to deal with people. It is quite expensive for a year worth of training, but it will be worth it. I will find a part time job in the meantime so I can actually pay the bills now that a chunk of my savings will have to go into my study. I didn't think I'd ever study again... It feels funny.

Perseverance

Good things come to those who wait. I truly believe in that. I hate rushing things. I always need to be ready before I can take a chance. That works with ever aspect of my life. I had to wait over a year to be ready for a new relationship. I had to wait a good few months to be ready for a full time job after uni. I don't mind waiting, as long as something in my head is working towards my goal. And now I am waiting to get a real job I can use to work towards my future. Baby steps.

Friday I did a photo shoot to help promote a friend's podcast. The photos turned out so much better than I expected and the response I've been getting from people has really amazed me. I knew I was an ok photographer, learning from my own errors, but I didn't realise that people thought I was a good photographer. I am a perfectionist but I wasn't aware I was up to this level. It made me feel pretty good to be honest. Up until now I had my family and close friends telling me they liked my photos. But to have people I don't even know say they look amazing, that's pretty damn good! I'm happy about it. Here are some shots from Friday that I really like:







Monday is time for another photo shoot with some pretty amazing girls. *excitement*

Sigh

Everyone knows I don't understand people. I never have and probably never will. You are no exception. Do as I say, don't do as I do right? Funny that. Shit does happen and it will come back to bite you one day.

On a better note, I might be moving again soon! *excitement* (for being in a new house, not for actually having to move yet again) It means I will need to buy more stuff like a fridge and a table with chairs. So garage sales, here I come! If you know anyone who has anything they'd like to donate or sell, please let me know!

Jump

Today is my first real day of being unemployed. And it has already hit me. Everyone has left for work and I'm home alone. Up since 7am since I can't help my body clock.

This is scary. But it is the right thing to do. I needed to jump. I've never done anything like this before. I'm in the dark, I can't see anything in front of me. I have no idea where my life will be in a month. It is the scariest I've ever been. I wasn't even this freaked out when I moved to Australia 8 years ago. Why? Because that decision wasn't mine. I never chose to come to Australia. This time around, it is my decision. I quit my job. I am the only one responsible for how my life will turn out in the next few weeks. There's nothing anyone else can do. It is up to me and me only.

Scary. I hope it is worth it. It will be worth it. Having the courage to do what I really want is not something I used to have. I'd say what I wanted, I'd tell people the truth, but I've never done anything this big before. This is the first time since I started working that I have been unemployed.

*Breathe*.