Trying to keep myself busy. That's all I do now. I don't do things because I want to. I do them to keep me busy n out of trouble. I sleep all weekend. I blame everyone else. I'm obviouspy the problem here n I don't know how to fix it. Better yet, I don't wanna fix it. It isn't worth it. I gave up a longtime ago. Now I'm just sitting around waiting for my life to pass me by. That's how it will always b now. N i don't care anymore. I'm way beyond that. I have truly given up n I don't wanna go back. It's easier this way. Being numb is easier. Simpler. Can't hurt me anymore. No one can.

My life is sarting to spin out of control again and I hate it. There's nothin happening right now that I can control. I'm getting very stressed out, I'm starting to get that feeling of loneliness again, that no one cares. And this time, I know no one cares. I play in my head how my funeral would go. And that bloody sucks. I can't think of more than 5 people who would actually come. And you know why? Because I don't matter. I've never made a difference in anyone's life, I've never acomplished anything good, I've never done anything to be proud of. It hurts. I just don't know how to change it. I'm to scared to do anything and take any risks. So instead, I pretend like everything is fine.

Back to being a robot now.