People confuse the hell out of me. They really do. I am so straight forward, I tell everyone what I think of them, yet they don't get it? WTF?! Ugh. Just believe me, people! When I say something, I mean it! I don't care what other people are telling you, if it's about me and I'm saying it is a certain way, just go with it and stop listening to gossip.
This week has been so long. Working 8.30am till 5.30pm every day, plus seeing a different friend every night of the week. I barely slept at all. But it's been good.
Tonight's plan: dress up, go to town with Rugiyya and have the best night ever :)
I shall write more later.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
You don't fucking know what I'm doing. You don't know who I wanna be. You don't know what I wanna do with my life. You don't know what makes me tick. You don't know what makes me happy. You don't understand that I actually ENJOY helping other people just because I can. You don't know where I am coming from. I see no point in telling you things because you don't give a shit.
I'm sorry I didn't do what you had planned for me my whole life: engineering. I actually wanna do something I enjoy, not something I was forced into. I don't wanna follow your footsteps. I hate that I am so much like you. Most of the shit I have to go through, is because I became so much like you. I am trying to change so badly so I won't turn out like you in the end. It is working, but I can't kee doing it with you so near by, constantly telling me off for doing things my way. It is MY FUCKING LIFE. MINE. Not yours. I choose what I wanna do. If I wanna spend the next 5 years of my life working part time at subway, while doing something for a few hours a week that I actually enjoy, that's MY FUCKING PROBLEM. And I will do it if I want to. I don't care what you think of me. If you wanna think I am a loser, that's fine.
In the next 10 years, I will be doing something I really enjoy. Full time. I don't care how long it takes. I will get there. It is not my fault you chose a career that got you there 6 months after leaving uni. I get it! I know you bought your own house by the time you were 25 or something. I know you had a career before you turned 30. So what? I wanna work for what I want. It is gonna take longer. It is much harder. But that's MY problem. And I will find a solution to it. On my own.
You don't know what I do with my life. You don't know the connections I have. You don't know what impression I leave on people. You don't know how many people have told me they love the way I see things and think the things I do are actually good. You don't know that people have told me they wish there were more people like me in the world. And do you know why you don't know all these things? Because I don't want you to. If you knew it all, you would try and make me change. You would try and make me do more. "You have so much pottential". Yes, I know I do. And I will use that the way I wanna use it. Not how YOU want me to use it. So shut the fuck up and back off. It is my life and I will live it the way I wanna live it.
If in the end it all fails, then you can say 'I told you so'. But until then, have some fucking faith in me and stop lecturing me about shit.
I'm sorry I didn't do what you had planned for me my whole life: engineering. I actually wanna do something I enjoy, not something I was forced into. I don't wanna follow your footsteps. I hate that I am so much like you. Most of the shit I have to go through, is because I became so much like you. I am trying to change so badly so I won't turn out like you in the end. It is working, but I can't kee doing it with you so near by, constantly telling me off for doing things my way. It is MY FUCKING LIFE. MINE. Not yours. I choose what I wanna do. If I wanna spend the next 5 years of my life working part time at subway, while doing something for a few hours a week that I actually enjoy, that's MY FUCKING PROBLEM. And I will do it if I want to. I don't care what you think of me. If you wanna think I am a loser, that's fine.
In the next 10 years, I will be doing something I really enjoy. Full time. I don't care how long it takes. I will get there. It is not my fault you chose a career that got you there 6 months after leaving uni. I get it! I know you bought your own house by the time you were 25 or something. I know you had a career before you turned 30. So what? I wanna work for what I want. It is gonna take longer. It is much harder. But that's MY problem. And I will find a solution to it. On my own.
You don't know what I do with my life. You don't know the connections I have. You don't know what impression I leave on people. You don't know how many people have told me they love the way I see things and think the things I do are actually good. You don't know that people have told me they wish there were more people like me in the world. And do you know why you don't know all these things? Because I don't want you to. If you knew it all, you would try and make me change. You would try and make me do more. "You have so much pottential". Yes, I know I do. And I will use that the way I wanna use it. Not how YOU want me to use it. So shut the fuck up and back off. It is my life and I will live it the way I wanna live it.
If in the end it all fails, then you can say 'I told you so'. But until then, have some fucking faith in me and stop lecturing me about shit.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
a lot can happen in 24 hours...
I don't remember the last time I had such and eventful 24 hours. Going to work at serving drunk guys was only the start. Little did I know things were gonna get much more random.
In the last 24 hours I have worked, played Mario Kart, played Super Mario Bros (the Wii version), hung out with guys I don't usually hang out with, drank a whole bottle of wine in a few hours, been to the city dancing, been yelled at, yelled at someone, worked out some problems that should've been worked out a long time ago, had tequila shots, walked until my feet hurt, played "I have never...", had weird and random conversations, heard about a friend being in hospital, had to make sure a very drunk friend got home safely.
If that wasn't enough, I had to come home at 7am, without being able to sleep properly, just to find out people are bitching behind my back for no reason at all. How did I find out? On a facebook status update. Calling someone a whore on a status update is not a very classy thing to do. And I thought last night was a good night, when I finally worked out some problems. I don't need new ones now. I don't even know why I care about this so much, to be honest. What's the point in being friends with someone if they are just gonna go and bitch about you if they don't get your full attention one night? You know who you are, and I know you read this.
I want a drama free year, starting now. Is that too much to ask for?
In the last 24 hours I have worked, played Mario Kart, played Super Mario Bros (the Wii version), hung out with guys I don't usually hang out with, drank a whole bottle of wine in a few hours, been to the city dancing, been yelled at, yelled at someone, worked out some problems that should've been worked out a long time ago, had tequila shots, walked until my feet hurt, played "I have never...", had weird and random conversations, heard about a friend being in hospital, had to make sure a very drunk friend got home safely.
If that wasn't enough, I had to come home at 7am, without being able to sleep properly, just to find out people are bitching behind my back for no reason at all. How did I find out? On a facebook status update. Calling someone a whore on a status update is not a very classy thing to do. And I thought last night was a good night, when I finally worked out some problems. I don't need new ones now. I don't even know why I care about this so much, to be honest. What's the point in being friends with someone if they are just gonna go and bitch about you if they don't get your full attention one night? You know who you are, and I know you read this.
I want a drama free year, starting now. Is that too much to ask for?
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Too young
TV has been bombarding me lately with shows about little girls wanting to act grown up and be famous. That is the one thing I truly hate. Why has everything changed so much that now 10 year old girls feel the need to carry a bag everywhere, wear make up and heels? Why do parents let that happen?
When I was little all I did was enjoy being a child. I remember climbing trees, playing games, running around, going for swims. During the holidays, we would play cops & robbers almost everyday. We would have ice cream, play soccer, table tennis, pick out fruits from trees, play hide & seek. That was the life! I had to be home before dark, just like all of my friends. I didn't care about what I looked like or what other people thought of me. I didn't wear make up. My hair was always in a pony tail. I don't remember ever carrying around a bag until I was about 14, when I started being allowed (and wanting to) go out with my friends to the movies. I didn't go shopping. We went to the movies, to eat popcorn and have ice cream. I spent most of my time outside, running around, singing with friends, playing with friends, having the time of my life! Why do kids these days thinks that is a terrible idea?
I didn't watch a lot of TV. I didn't play a lot of video games. I doubt you can find a kid today that doesn't watch TV everyday, or plays video games. Yes, technology is much better. But kids are meant to be kids! They have energy. They are meant to be outside, using their imagination, making up their own games! I am not saying I don't think they should watch any TV or play any video games. But they do it too much! All the things kids do now started out as "grown up" things. 10 year old boys are meant to be outside playing soccer (or any other sport really). 10 year old girls are meant to hate boys, not have crushes on them.
I'm 21 now and I still don't wear make up everyday. Yet I see little girls on the street with mascara and lipstick on. What is with that? They wear sandals with heels. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable that must be? I barely ever wear heels. Why do they? The worst part is not the fact that they do it, it is the fact that their parents allow them to do it. I'm sure I asked mum for make up or heels when I was little. But like every good parents, she talked me out of it. Why? Because kids are not meant to look and act like adults. Kids are not meant to have boyfriends. They have no idea how much better their lives would be if they just stopped pretending they were older and enjoyed being a kid!
I miss being a kid. Everything was so much easier. I remember the days I would just sit around with friends and sing. Or play games. Without having to worry about work or uni. When alcohol wasn't part of my life. When I could just dance anywhere with my friends. When I didn't have to drive or take care of myself. When there was no such thing as boy problems. When people around me liked me because of me, not because they wanted something more to happen. When they just enjoyed my company and weren't trying to get into bed. Being a kid was so simple, so innocent. The kids of today don't get that. They start dating when they are 10, they wear short dresses and make up. They go out there to impress people.
Kids should be selfish, to an extend. They should do things that makes them happy (as long as it doesn't hurt someone else). They should do things with their friends for fun. They will have years ahead of them to try and impress people. So slow down and just be kids!
If I ever have kids (complicated topic here, let's save it to another post) I will make sure they can be themselves. I'm gonna make sure they enjoy being a kid. That, when they grow up, they can look back and smile because they know they had a good childhood.
Let kids be kids! Otherwise, when they grow up, they will act like kids, because they missed that part.
When I was little all I did was enjoy being a child. I remember climbing trees, playing games, running around, going for swims. During the holidays, we would play cops & robbers almost everyday. We would have ice cream, play soccer, table tennis, pick out fruits from trees, play hide & seek. That was the life! I had to be home before dark, just like all of my friends. I didn't care about what I looked like or what other people thought of me. I didn't wear make up. My hair was always in a pony tail. I don't remember ever carrying around a bag until I was about 14, when I started being allowed (and wanting to) go out with my friends to the movies. I didn't go shopping. We went to the movies, to eat popcorn and have ice cream. I spent most of my time outside, running around, singing with friends, playing with friends, having the time of my life! Why do kids these days thinks that is a terrible idea?
I didn't watch a lot of TV. I didn't play a lot of video games. I doubt you can find a kid today that doesn't watch TV everyday, or plays video games. Yes, technology is much better. But kids are meant to be kids! They have energy. They are meant to be outside, using their imagination, making up their own games! I am not saying I don't think they should watch any TV or play any video games. But they do it too much! All the things kids do now started out as "grown up" things. 10 year old boys are meant to be outside playing soccer (or any other sport really). 10 year old girls are meant to hate boys, not have crushes on them.
I'm 21 now and I still don't wear make up everyday. Yet I see little girls on the street with mascara and lipstick on. What is with that? They wear sandals with heels. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable that must be? I barely ever wear heels. Why do they? The worst part is not the fact that they do it, it is the fact that their parents allow them to do it. I'm sure I asked mum for make up or heels when I was little. But like every good parents, she talked me out of it. Why? Because kids are not meant to look and act like adults. Kids are not meant to have boyfriends. They have no idea how much better their lives would be if they just stopped pretending they were older and enjoyed being a kid!
I miss being a kid. Everything was so much easier. I remember the days I would just sit around with friends and sing. Or play games. Without having to worry about work or uni. When alcohol wasn't part of my life. When I could just dance anywhere with my friends. When I didn't have to drive or take care of myself. When there was no such thing as boy problems. When people around me liked me because of me, not because they wanted something more to happen. When they just enjoyed my company and weren't trying to get into bed. Being a kid was so simple, so innocent. The kids of today don't get that. They start dating when they are 10, they wear short dresses and make up. They go out there to impress people.
Kids should be selfish, to an extend. They should do things that makes them happy (as long as it doesn't hurt someone else). They should do things with their friends for fun. They will have years ahead of them to try and impress people. So slow down and just be kids!
If I ever have kids (complicated topic here, let's save it to another post) I will make sure they can be themselves. I'm gonna make sure they enjoy being a kid. That, when they grow up, they can look back and smile because they know they had a good childhood.
Let kids be kids! Otherwise, when they grow up, they will act like kids, because they missed that part.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
(^ EMINEM. Very addictive.)
I don't know why I do the things I do. Most of the time I don't understand people. So I do things because of mixed signs. But in the end, I end up regretting ever saying/doing anything. I constantly feel like I'm doing something wrong, something that will hurt someone. But at the same time, I make it very clear what is going on. I'm always very upfront. And people usually say they are ok with things I do, but then next thing I know, they are upset. What am I meant to do? Why can't people be honest for a change? Even if they think it will hurt me, just say what you are thinking. Being subtle doesn't work.
I've got so many mixed feelings in me right now. Everything is all over the place. I'm slightly lost. I feel like my life is just passing me by. It sucks.
I feel like I always want what I can't have. If something comes around too easily, I usually just turn the other way. It is a very bad thing to do. But in the end, when I get something I worked hard for, I feel happy. I appreciate it more. It works with everything in my life.
Sometimes I feel like I should just delete this blog. It has brought me trouble before and it will probably happen again. But at the same time, why should I care? I have the right to write whatever I want. I have the right to vent. I don't wanna hurt people, but I like being able to say all this stuff here. Writing makes me happy. It calms me down. When I write, I feel like I've shared something big with an old friend. Something important. Even if no one will ever read it. Maybe I should stop blogging and go back to having journals. Ugh.
I highly dislike being this tired and not having anything to do. I keep thinking about the same things over and over again. Man, get out of my head, please. I shouldn't be thinking about this. It is not a one way street. So stop it.
I've stopped making sense now. I hate this fuzziness that's happening in my head.
Go to bed, Vero. You deserve some sleep.
I don't know why I do the things I do. Most of the time I don't understand people. So I do things because of mixed signs. But in the end, I end up regretting ever saying/doing anything. I constantly feel like I'm doing something wrong, something that will hurt someone. But at the same time, I make it very clear what is going on. I'm always very upfront. And people usually say they are ok with things I do, but then next thing I know, they are upset. What am I meant to do? Why can't people be honest for a change? Even if they think it will hurt me, just say what you are thinking. Being subtle doesn't work.
I've got so many mixed feelings in me right now. Everything is all over the place. I'm slightly lost. I feel like my life is just passing me by. It sucks.
I feel like I always want what I can't have. If something comes around too easily, I usually just turn the other way. It is a very bad thing to do. But in the end, when I get something I worked hard for, I feel happy. I appreciate it more. It works with everything in my life.
Sometimes I feel like I should just delete this blog. It has brought me trouble before and it will probably happen again. But at the same time, why should I care? I have the right to write whatever I want. I have the right to vent. I don't wanna hurt people, but I like being able to say all this stuff here. Writing makes me happy. It calms me down. When I write, I feel like I've shared something big with an old friend. Something important. Even if no one will ever read it. Maybe I should stop blogging and go back to having journals. Ugh.
I highly dislike being this tired and not having anything to do. I keep thinking about the same things over and over again. Man, get out of my head, please. I shouldn't be thinking about this. It is not a one way street. So stop it.
I've stopped making sense now. I hate this fuzziness that's happening in my head.
Go to bed, Vero. You deserve some sleep.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Taking a chance
I've had a pretty good week so far. Last Thursday my cousin from the USA came over for a few days. I've never met her before. But she was awesome! So it was great. We went out shopping, drinking, dancing. We went to Victor Harbour and Sydney. It was great! I don't remember the last time I had that much fun :)
On Tuesday, I had my first Job Interview. And it just happened to be for the job I really want. It is in a GPS store. I'd be doing admin work as well as keeping up their website and little things like that. It really sounds like exactly what I want to do right now. The interview went pretty good, I think. I really think I left a really good impression on him. So hopefully I will hear back from them soon.
On Wednesday I had a second Interview. For the Cancer Council. I applied because it said they needed people for fundraising. It was a bit unclear, but you know. So I went in right. The guy who was talking to us (it was a group thing) was one of rudest people I have ever come across. Not rude in a he doesn't say sorry way, but rude as in saying really bad things about everything. He is from Sydney, so he thinks that gives him the right to bitch about South Australia. Seriously, if you don't like it here, get the fuck out! No one is holding you, you arrogant prick. He kept saying how people in Sydney are better than people here, how they give more money to the cancer council, how they work better, how they are better at raising money. Somehow he got into saying how SA is the only state that has some provocation law, where it says that it is acceptable for men to hit women at home (I don't know if this is true, to be honest. I haven't looked into it). So he goes and says "i've never seen so many women with black eyes before". WHAT THE FUCK MAN! Are you kidding me? I don't think I have ever seen a woman on the street with a black eye here. Never. Not once. So right there and then I realised how much of an arrogant, ignorant Sydney loving guy he was. It made me so angry. He then went on to bash the World Vision. And how down here in SA we get bombarded with ads from them but never hear anything about the cancer council. How we support kids overseas but don't support cancer research in our own state. The way I see it is, if they (cancer council) advertised more, they would get more response. The way to get people to support you isn't by hackling them on the street (which is what my job would be). World vision has people on the street asking for money, but they don't come up to you and annoy the hell out of you! People trying to get money for the cancer council are those people that you move away from. Another thing that tipped me over the edge was when he said something like "if you are someone who want to help others, this job isn't for you. People who will do well in this job are people who are greedy and self centred.". Are you for real? Who says this shit to people who are trying to get a job? It ended up that it wasn't a job interview. We all had the job. (oh yeah, there were 6 of us, only 2 australians. there was a british guy and 2 other guys who could barely speak english) Turns out the training is today and we all start on Monday. I didn't get very excited. But it took me a whole orning at Oxfamshop to make up my mind. I'm not gonna do it. I don't see the point in working somewhere this shit. I don't want a boss like that. I wanna work in a place where I enjoy being there. I don't care about the money, I care about the experience. So if you ever think about applying for a job at the cancer council, don't do it. Unless you need the money. They get something like $1200 a week. Which is a lot! But I don't wanna go and be stuck in a full time job where I hate being at.
I also had an infor night last night. They will call me today to set up an interview. It is for a receptionist job. It is much more like what I wanna do.
I'm taking a big chance here. I might not get any of the other 2 jobs. But you know what? That's fine. I'm sticking with what I believe in. I'm not gonna go out there and work just to get mney in a job that has absolutely nothing to do with me degree. I didn't do 3 years of uni to go and raise money for a company who doesn't give a shit about people. I'm gambling here. It feels dangerous but it also feels right. I'm doing the right thing for me. Everything will turn out just fine. I'm being optimistic for a change. :)
On Tuesday, I had my first Job Interview. And it just happened to be for the job I really want. It is in a GPS store. I'd be doing admin work as well as keeping up their website and little things like that. It really sounds like exactly what I want to do right now. The interview went pretty good, I think. I really think I left a really good impression on him. So hopefully I will hear back from them soon.
On Wednesday I had a second Interview. For the Cancer Council. I applied because it said they needed people for fundraising. It was a bit unclear, but you know. So I went in right. The guy who was talking to us (it was a group thing) was one of rudest people I have ever come across. Not rude in a he doesn't say sorry way, but rude as in saying really bad things about everything. He is from Sydney, so he thinks that gives him the right to bitch about South Australia. Seriously, if you don't like it here, get the fuck out! No one is holding you, you arrogant prick. He kept saying how people in Sydney are better than people here, how they give more money to the cancer council, how they work better, how they are better at raising money. Somehow he got into saying how SA is the only state that has some provocation law, where it says that it is acceptable for men to hit women at home (I don't know if this is true, to be honest. I haven't looked into it). So he goes and says "i've never seen so many women with black eyes before". WHAT THE FUCK MAN! Are you kidding me? I don't think I have ever seen a woman on the street with a black eye here. Never. Not once. So right there and then I realised how much of an arrogant, ignorant Sydney loving guy he was. It made me so angry. He then went on to bash the World Vision. And how down here in SA we get bombarded with ads from them but never hear anything about the cancer council. How we support kids overseas but don't support cancer research in our own state. The way I see it is, if they (cancer council) advertised more, they would get more response. The way to get people to support you isn't by hackling them on the street (which is what my job would be). World vision has people on the street asking for money, but they don't come up to you and annoy the hell out of you! People trying to get money for the cancer council are those people that you move away from. Another thing that tipped me over the edge was when he said something like "if you are someone who want to help others, this job isn't for you. People who will do well in this job are people who are greedy and self centred.". Are you for real? Who says this shit to people who are trying to get a job? It ended up that it wasn't a job interview. We all had the job. (oh yeah, there were 6 of us, only 2 australians. there was a british guy and 2 other guys who could barely speak english) Turns out the training is today and we all start on Monday. I didn't get very excited. But it took me a whole orning at Oxfamshop to make up my mind. I'm not gonna do it. I don't see the point in working somewhere this shit. I don't want a boss like that. I wanna work in a place where I enjoy being there. I don't care about the money, I care about the experience. So if you ever think about applying for a job at the cancer council, don't do it. Unless you need the money. They get something like $1200 a week. Which is a lot! But I don't wanna go and be stuck in a full time job where I hate being at.
I also had an infor night last night. They will call me today to set up an interview. It is for a receptionist job. It is much more like what I wanna do.
I'm taking a big chance here. I might not get any of the other 2 jobs. But you know what? That's fine. I'm sticking with what I believe in. I'm not gonna go out there and work just to get mney in a job that has absolutely nothing to do with me degree. I didn't do 3 years of uni to go and raise money for a company who doesn't give a shit about people. I'm gambling here. It feels dangerous but it also feels right. I'm doing the right thing for me. Everything will turn out just fine. I'm being optimistic for a change. :)
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